The current moment is seemingly never enough. We are temporal creatures.

I’m consistently trying to enhance the current moment. Arrive at a peak, then naturally I descend and get glum. I may regret it by convincing myself it wasn’t good to ever have, but eventually I long for it and hope it comes back.

Next, it’s easy to start daydreaming about some random fantasy that would never happen and imagine how life would be. Win the lotto, twiddle thumbs. A life with less consequence or pressure in every decision. Ease of access to happiness. Free happiness. Cost of happiness is time and effort (and some level or absence of awareness).

Then, begin laying down the groundwork for a future moment (obsession with routine) or a more permanent state of being. Plans are often meant to extinguish anxiety while being fueled by them. Planning the hunt, trying to capture it. Possess. Own. Permanence. Sometimes get anxious when some moments arrive due to the buildup that was starting back from the last iPhone notes rant. May rely on bumper sticker beliefs to keep you secure through ups and downs. Things you try to hold with you, as they sounded good in a moment, but without the prolonged self-reflection about how it really applies in your context of life, it rings a bit hollow, so you forget it in times where it would apply and only remember after the fact that the tool to address this exists, and I had it with me, but it wasn’t something really unlocked and available to me at the time. I hadn’t done the work to make it so.

In the mean time, find small momentary surges of pleasure in the little highs that turn into little addictions and unconscious impulses. Look at phone, eat sugar or heavily processed foods, TV, video games, etc.. these are like little life support stimulants until the next big thing, or until the next little high. Treading water just waiting for something better to happen. Chain these together for long enough and you’re practically a zombie. Strung out, get the next high to keep you floating. It feels like collectively, a lot of people spend a lot of time here.

Really, I’m trying to solution for what’s ultimately a non-problem (in moments that are objectively great themselves) by spending time trying to make future moments even better; not realizing you’re in the good times while they’re happening). Can get convinced that materialistic fulfillment is the end all nirvana state of being, a mountain you’d never come down from. It may buy security, but not true happiness.

Makes me think of moments that things come together seemingly by themselves, or if not by themselves, at least in a more “natural” way. Getting high on life. Harmony. Think about a choir at a church. The physics of the voices and the frequency aligning to make a nice sound. The mental atmosphere of grandiose states of being beyond your comprehension. The physical space constructed to enhance sound. Community with those you love, that you share common belief with. Maybe you’re participating in giving your voice, being the part of a sum, so you recognize you have a part but it’d go on without you. The sound of harmony giving validation of the perfection. It’s a powerful thing. That’s probably why I like music so much. You could expand this to any consumption of content. Movies -> TV -> Tik Tok all have some essence of community, physical harmony, represented beliefs etc. The distillation of that high has been made more accessible over time, but less potent or healthy maybe. Just too accessible, makes it less special, less desirable in some ways. But whether it’s from a phone or a rock and a stick, you can always get absorbed by the pursuit of more.

What’s the expiration date on a moment while you’re in it? How long is it allowed to last? How long will you allow it to last? Do you cut it short so the fall isn’t as far? Do you ration good moments in fear of a drought later on?

A good moment is like lightning in a bottle. You can try to possess it, but to its fullest extent it’s fleeting. Another reason movies music etc are so special; they’re often tagged to memories of good moments. You may not get the same hit every time, but holistically, they really do a remarkable job at preserving moments.

The idea of a moment being impermanent makes you appreciate it more. If you follow that too far, you get the horny celibate; obsessed with not being anything, self righteous, holier than thou, constructing the world of better-ness, not even existing in the same reality at that point.

Being content would seem to be the idea here. Being content with what is. Accepting the moment, so it doesn’t matter if you’re actually in whatever high you’re looking for or in the low. True happiness is being content. “This is fine” and honestly meaning it. Something crossing the threshold of acceptance. It’s obviously relative to your context.

By default, if you accept where you are, truly embrace the fact that the current moment is the extent of your existence, it is what it is, for better or worse, then things are okay.

Accepting is a close relative of surrendering. That seems to be the back door into “heaven”. Ceding a level of control to the complexity of life and going with the flow. If you try to barge into “heaven” through materialism, wealth and social standing, you may peer into heaven but you won’t get there. Getting your mind right is more important than your things right. You often need some level of things to do that though, to be above water for long enough to have the space for some level of spiritual honesty and development. People that don’t have anything and still feel content seem like superheroes. I don’t think many of my beliefs are strong enough to endure destitution. I do think, though, that my desire to survive is very strong.

Surrender is very vulnerable. That’s why the abuse of power by organized religion is so abhorrent. If you go through the pipeline of life, down on luck, arrive at a place promising salvation, acquire some bumper sticker beliefs for dealing with shit-life syndrome, the ability for individuals in power to manipulate and tamper with someone’s distinctly malleable emotions is too easy. It’s been done for generations. Not all of organized religion is evil by any means, it’s just the potential for the abuse of power that’s scary.

Or course it’s easy to say “surrender”when you’re not drowning. Good luck trying to accept where you’re at while you and your family are in serious pain or dying…or while you see others swimming with no issue, or actively fighting to put their feet on your head and push you further under. In those cases, you have to either swim harder than ever before or get a little push from the current or a cheery swimmer or lifeguard above you. That’s why it’s important to not push others down and to lift people up, through small ways or big ways, when you can. Easy to get self righteous and the savior complex, and end up doing it for yourself. Reach out and lend a helping hand. In some way, keep it simple. Charity for charities sake, do what you can but also self preservation. You’re still trying to swim too.

How happy are you allowed to be while others are suffering? What are you taking responsibility for? What can you control?

Your immediate survival takes priority, but also It’s about having an honest understanding of where you’re at at a given time and how you can contribute knowing that. Boundaries. Honesty.

To complete the cycle, Spending a couple hours typing in your phone notes app to outline a framework of belief to justify your own existence and to feel comfortable with where you are. Would true vulnerability be having no belief and just floating along? This feels more like ignorance. Or having belief and being willing to face the consequences of being one way and maybe one day having to change and adapt to something new? Feels better. That awareness would give you some context maybe, but there’s always a level of ignorance with being alive. We can’t know everything.

What’s the balance between flexibility and discipline? Honest awareness. I’m exactly where I need to be.

Time for a donut.