While this practice hasn’t been going for long, I think I’m seeing some positive results from it. For starters, I’m simply creating more. In terms of my imagination, on this website, there is proof of life; always a treat. Like any time before where I’ve put a concerted effort towards producing something, it makes me feel good to create and gets me thinking differently. For instance, I started writing down prompts to write about, like short stories or mildly interesting plots…feels like a leap from where we’re at now, but I’m happy that I still have ideas at all. Some days, that doesn’t feel like a part of my psyche anymore, but in reality, I just sat on the remote and the volume turned down.

Something I want to believe is that my creative practice should be more about the body of work than the masterpieces. I want to focus on these “awesome works” immediately, but really, they’re probably more a byproduct of raw work and honing of focus rather than trying to operationalize excellence from A-Z. Instead, it’s more about practicing A-A (the act of practicing at all), and when that becomes second nature, it becomes more about the creative decisions themselves rather than my own bullshit getting in the way; putting myself in a creative position often enough so when “inspiration” strikes, I’m warmed up and in a place where I can realize that thought or idea.

Also side note, how do I use a semicolon(;)? I’m using them to connect two similar thoughts, sort of a band-aid for a run-on sentence. Assuming that’s wrong, ChatGPT to the rescue, am I right?

Speaking of killer comedy, I’ve also written down basic premises for jokes. My podcast diet is heavily weighted towards making me laugh, and I’ve been watching stand-up specials for years…why not try to write some funny stuff? Any time I’ve made others laugh in my life is a good moment. Knowing that, the idea of being able to perform in a medium like that feels other-worldly. Hell, the idea of being able to do anything “artsy” like that, whether it’s a book, open mic night for jokes, etc. etc. feels pretty far removed from my reality.

Why is that? For one, there’s a huge delta between the amount of vulnerability I could feel and the amount I’m typically prepared to feel on a daily basis. It opens me up to the vulnerable emotions I try to avoid: confrontation, criticism, pain, pity, the list goes on.

Putting on my problem-solvers hat, let’s identify the areas of opportunity here: starting and continuing. Starting is scary because it can feel like as soon as you define your hopes, dreams and aspirations, reality swoops in to tell you “why not”. All “is’s” beget “isn’t’s”. The idea of who you are is more comfortable than what you actually could try, because as soon as there’s definition, there’s opposition. Continuing is scary because I don’t want to waste time on things that don’t matter, or to not be spending time on things that could matter more, but I’m unsure if they do or not.

I guess it depends on what and when you need the payoff to be. If you only pay yourself when you’re a fully actualized and complete being, you’re going to be poor forever. If you’re only as rich as your latest win, you’re going to be poor forever. If you pay yourself when you make strides towards ideals you set, that’s a livable wage; that’s closer to being present at the very least.

It’s also about bravery. Sometimes, you have to be courageous to leap to the next thing. If anything, I want to get better at falling. Granted, sometimes what I write is what I want to believe, rather than what I am. If this year has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes bravery isn’t an option: it’s a responsibility. You can use that.

So…be brave. Work at it. Keep making things. Slowly push your limits. Really, the stakes are pretty low - not saying to diminish it, but to just make the load a bit lighter.